Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
