Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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