Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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