It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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