I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
