Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
