i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
