Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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