If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
