i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
