Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
