so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
