I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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