We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
