And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
