I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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