We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
