I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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