So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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