guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
