I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is it penis luge time yet?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
