I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
