forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He did a backflip because drugs
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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