I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
