He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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