I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
