two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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