i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
