at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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