I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
