Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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