textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
