that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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