I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
