I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
