I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We need a shit load of segways right now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
