I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
