Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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