I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think your dad took our porno
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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