how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
