I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
