did you get engaged???
my vag is so smooth its legendary
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
