Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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