It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
