You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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