I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
