I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
