Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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