Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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