So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
