I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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