i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
