The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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