i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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