Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just tell him i said nine months
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
