There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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