he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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