I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
