shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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