i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
