I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am mentally ready for anal.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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