i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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