just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
