my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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