Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
