The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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