If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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