i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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