i just wanna soil my oats bro
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
