Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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