I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
