Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just want nice things and good sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
