So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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